Addicted too...

Taylor got me on this one!

Rules are, you must list 5 addictions and pass it to 5 people!
Addiction -- an abnormally strong craving

1.Joey and Sassie. (i know thats kind of two, but its one in the same). Joey and Sassie are my dogs. I love them as if they were my children. Sometimes I let them stay at Granny's house for a night and I miss them so much that I can't wait to see them.

2.Late night TV. I have to watch Two and a half men, Friends and Sex in the City almost every night. Sometimes I can't even look at the TV that late at night or I'll have to turn in on instead of going to bed.

3. Mom. I'm addicted to my mom. I'm very lucky and greatful to say that I have a mom that is one of my very best friends.

4. Milk. I have to have atleast one glass of milk every morning. I love milk.

5. Cell phone. I feel naked without it.

Ok, sorry mine was pretty boring. but now its your turn..... Andelicia, Jenni, and whoever else wants to particpate, It was kind of fun!

WHOLE Hearted or HeartLESS???

I was thankfully raised in a wonderful christian home, with great parents to look up to, that loved each other so much, and a brother that fell in love with a wonderful woman, and they love each other whole heartedly. I have such a big heart, it seems like everytime I try to give it, its just thrown back at me all crumbled up. I am struggling so bad with what seems to be an endless game. I don't understand why some people can say they love you and the next day do something so awful and hurt you so badly. Why can't I find that person who wants to give their heart to me whole heartedly just like I do? I don't understand how some people can be so heartLESS. I wish I could move away from my current home. Don't get me wrong, I love my own space but its so hard to live so close to people that have hurt me so badly. I want to start all over somewhere else and have a clean slate. I could move now but I can't afford to break my lease. Its more expensive to leave than it is to stay. I want and need new friends that will love on me and be true friends. I'm not forgetting my current true friends. If it weren't for them, then I don't know how I could still even stand to live here.

I had a really great talk with my dad today. Yes! My Dad! (those of you who know my dad, he is very quite and to himself) I talked to him about this issue I was having and he reminded me of the passage in the Bible when Jesus wept. The Jews hated him, rejected him, did awful things to him, but Jesus still loved and cared about them no matter what. Sometimes I wish I could not care at all and be selfish. But as a christian, I was taught to love no matter what and try to be selfless. Its really hard for me right now to love no matter what. Especially, someone who has somewhat betrayed me. It comforts me to know that Jesus felt hurt to when he was rejected. It gives me hope that someday I'm going to be loved whole heartedly by someone else. I've also come to the realization, Finally, after Taylor has told me this many times, I'm going to have to be in the right place with Christ before I can get what I have longed for such a long time. I don't just want companionship, I want Love, TRUE WHOLE HEARTED LOVE!!!

Why can't I get my messy life cleaned up right?

Ok....here goes again.... Its feels like its been so long since i updated this thing. So, I still feel like everything in my life is complicated. I got some bad news on wednesday about my school. I guess it was kinda my fault but it was still upsetting. I got a letter and I was denied financial aid for this next semester because evidentally I dropped one class too many last spring. So now I'm stuggling with that fact that I have to pay for classes this coming semester with my parents help. I'm so grateful they are here to help me but at the same time, I wanted to do it all on my own. So, I was really disappointed about that.

On another note, I've been having boy issues again. I finally believe I have convinced my ex to stop trying to talk to me after many attempts. The whole situation was just a bad one but I believed that I could make it work. God definately said NO and so did my brother to begin with but you know "I'm always right" God told me that was a BIG NO!

I also still need some help with just being able to change my life around and live the healthy lifestyle that I know I should be. Its so hard once you've lived the way you wanted to and cared about nothing else. I'm only telling ya'll this because I know you'll help me with it. I kinda feel like I've been in a slight state of depression. I try to hide it from pretty much everyone but my mom. I just feel so lost and lonely. I really need some help with this but I don't know where to start. I admire my sister-in-law for being so positive towards me with everything thats been going on. I just wish I could always think like that and know that there is a perfect plan for me. Alot of the time I don't believe it. How am I supposed to go on with my life and just trust that God is going to put someone in my life that I don't even know. I want to know everything right now!

Ok, so Taylor got me. I need to update. Its true! So, I guess, here goes.

So, basically my life has been filled with imagination that I thought would really get me somewhere. I fill my head with all these images and make myself believe that all the right things are going to happen while I'm in all the wrong places and doing all the wrong things. I've talked with a very close mentor of mine and recieved a quote "Act your way into a new way of feeling; not feel your way into a new way of acting" So if I don't feel like doing something I won't do it. I should act the way I should, then I'll start feeling like doing the right things. I definately need help with this because I can't do it on my own. Especially trying to replace the negative things in my life with postitive things, environments and people.

Ok so yesterday I had told you that Joey was getting fixed. Well, I ended up paying 4 times more than I had alotted for so there goes not using my credit card. But, he is worth it. Instead of just neutering him, they also removed a small tumor on his front leg and pulled two teeth. I don't really understand about the teeth because he is still a puppy but I guess its already done. Poor little thing, I felt so bad for him. I thought he was going to be in alot of pain bc he has stiches in his little area and on his leg. And he fooled me on the way home from the vet. He just laid there with his head on my shoulder and wimpered. After we got home.....back to his Joey self. I can't keep him from jumping around, thats just what he does. I don't know what to do.

Ok, so I'm sitting here in bed writing a blog. I should really being trying to do my "homework." For those of you who know, I am doing a 20's bible study with my sister-in-law and some other friends. I am having such a hard time getting into it. I love being with the girls but I just can't seem to get really into the bible study part. I'm not a great reader anyway but it seems that when I try to concentrate on the independent studies it just doesn't make much sense. I feel like I have to read it like 20 times just to get it.

Anyway, I feel like I had a very productive day today. Of course I have monday's off work so I try to do things. I went to get my hair done, which I love. I went back to the doctor today and I feel very relieved and a little more confident now. He answered alot of my questions and actually gave me the real facts about my situation. I had read alot of things on the internet and of course, I should never believe anything that is on internet. Its alot of scary stuff you read. Some people just say wierd things and don't have any facts to back up any of thier information.

I also got doggie vaccines for my "kids" today. I was very nervous because I bought the vaccines and had to give them myself. I was proud of myself, I was actually able to do it and it saved me so much money. I also had to make an appointment for my youngest, Joey. He's a minature pinscher and its time for the dreaded neutering. I feel so bad because I don't want to seem him hurt. Really, my dogs are like my kids. If I feel this bad about having to neuter him, how am I going to feel when I do have kids and they have to have vaccines or they have to has some kind of procedure?

Well, I guess I should get back to trying to finish my "homework"

That perfect guy......

Why can't I find that perfect guy??? I guess the entire time I've been looking in all the wrong places. All I want is someone to care about me, love me and just treat me the way I should be treated! Dadgum....I want someone like that so bad. I need help because obviously I'm not doing a very good job!

I am so glad that tomorrow is FRIDAY!!! I've worked late everyday this week and am ready for some rest! I feel so frustrated that I just want to cry. I have so many things running through my head and some of it I don't even know what it is! I think God made guys just to get on our nerves and to see just how much we can take!! I'm about to go insane!



I am trying to make a "healthy lifestyle change" (my phrase for diet) because I was told I needed to start living healthier. I'm having alot of trouble even though I know the reason I need to do this is very important. Why can't things like this be easy? Why can't I like to eat nasty green veggies and yummy stuff like that? I did figure out one I do like alot. Yellow squash. Of course I like it with butter! that just takes the healthy out of it but atleast its a veggie other than green beans or corn right?

I Can't believe I'm into the Blogging World now?!

So I never thought I would blog, at all, but I guess I am now! I thought I would use this as a release....not that I don't have several best friends to talk to....but there are some of you who I love dearly but I just don't get to talk to you very often. So, maybe this will break the distance between us.

There has been so many things going on in my life and the Stapleton life lately. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up in a ball and make it all go away. It seems like every week is something new to worry about. Of course right now the latest is about my Granny. She has breast cancer and will be having surgery in about 2 weeks, then its Papa and his crazy problems that he has, and of course I always have my most awesome sister-in-law on my mind, and now I'm having some issues.

I would just like to ask you to pray for my family and I. Lots of things are going on. Right now, I'm really struggling with something that is going on with me. I know alot of it is just the mentality of it all so I have my good days and bad. I'm not ready to tell most of you what it is and I hope your not offended if I just don't. But I'm just going to ask if you would, please keep all of this in your prayers.

Wow! Taylor...you are so right, I can express so much just thru writing. But I probably need to stop before I say to much.