As I look back and read my previous blogs (yes, I know its been over a year and a half since I blogged) I can see what a change I have made in my life. I was reading the old posts and praising God for never leaving my side. I have come a long, long, long way from where I was spiritually and emotionally.
In the past year and a half I have overcome enourmous obstacles that I could never have gotten through if it wasn't for my true friends, family and Jesus. I was at the low of lows. Spritually, I had almost denied Jesus and was ashamed of calling myself a christian. I thought I could get through anything on my own because of course I had control of everything. Right?! WRONG!!!! My non spiritual state and bottled up crazy emotions had led me to a life of bitterness, pain, hurt, resentment and hatred. I tried to handle it all on my own which ultimately led me to become and alcoholic at the age of 22 (now almost 24). At the time, I didn't realize what I was doing to myself and my family. I am so incredibly grateful to have a family like I do. Even though I was putting them through my rollercoaster they loved me.
In December of 2009, I had a major meltdown. I was on the way home from a friends wedding, with my amazing sister-in-law, and finally opened up to her about what was going on in my life. If it wasn't for her loving, caring and trustworthy spirit, I would never had been able to ask for help. Asking for help was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was in way to deep to even try pulling myself out. With her and a friends help and resources I was able to recieve remarkable help. At this time, I will have been a recovering alcoholic for 8 months. I struggled for a long time with the shame I brought on myself and the underlying emotional problems I had. I have finally been able to endure through the process of dealing with my emotions and my alcohol problems. I am 8 months sober!
God can and will still use me to do His work in His kingdom! I have committed myself to seeking and serving the Lord with all my heart. I have come so far from where I was and still have further to go in my journey of being recovered and seeking the Lord. I have an amazing family and amazing friends that love and care for me more than I can imagine. When I thought God was going to throw me away he reminded me that he will never leave nor forsake me. He sacrificed His Son on that dreadful cross just so I could screw up time and time again and still have a place at His right hand. I am constantly amazed at the work Christ is doing in my life and in others.
Please do not think I posted this for others to have pity on me and for some to tell me its ok. I don't want your pity. I do want your prayers. I do want to use my life as a testimony for Christ. Please help me fight for Christ.
I will be using my blog as a place for me to put my thoughts as I wrestle through trying to understand what God has for me to learn.
4 comments:
You UPDATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!! And with a post that makes me cry. Cry because of how much growth I've seen in your life... emotionally, spiritually, maturially (is that a word? haha... pretty sure it's NOT, but you know what I mean). I'm proud of you. :)
aww Kristin!! you made me cry too! I am soo proud of you! you have changed soo much and I am soo happy for you :)...I love you and I am so glad and PROUD to have a best friend like you :)
Yay!!! I'm so excited for you- what an amazing life God has planned for you! I had no idea how you struggled; but I DO know how secrecy + sin= feels like you're alone and trapped, exactly how Satan wants you to feel! I bet you breathed a lot easier after sharing with your amazing sister-in-law! :) I'll be praying for you and you be praying for me!!! Love you and miss you! Can't wait to see more updates and hear how you're doing!!
Kristin, I am so happy you updated. I am very proud of you and everything that you have overcome. I am so glad that we stayed best friends through all of it. I love you so much girl and I will always be here for you...no matter what!!
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