Ok....here goes again.... Its feels like its been so long since i updated this thing. So, I still feel like everything in my life is complicated. I got some bad news on wednesday about my school. I guess it was kinda my fault but it was still upsetting. I got a letter and I was denied financial aid for this next semester because evidentally I dropped one class too many last spring. So now I'm stuggling with that fact that I have to pay for classes this coming semester with my parents help. I'm so grateful they are here to help me but at the same time, I wanted to do it all on my own. So, I was really disappointed about that.

On another note, I've been having boy issues again. I finally believe I have convinced my ex to stop trying to talk to me after many attempts. The whole situation was just a bad one but I believed that I could make it work. God definately said NO and so did my brother to begin with but you know "I'm always right" God told me that was a BIG NO!

I also still need some help with just being able to change my life around and live the healthy lifestyle that I know I should be. Its so hard once you've lived the way you wanted to and cared about nothing else. I'm only telling ya'll this because I know you'll help me with it. I kinda feel like I've been in a slight state of depression. I try to hide it from pretty much everyone but my mom. I just feel so lost and lonely. I really need some help with this but I don't know where to start. I admire my sister-in-law for being so positive towards me with everything thats been going on. I just wish I could always think like that and know that there is a perfect plan for me. Alot of the time I don't believe it. How am I supposed to go on with my life and just trust that God is going to put someone in my life that I don't even know. I want to know everything right now!

Ok, so Taylor got me. I need to update. Its true! So, I guess, here goes.

So, basically my life has been filled with imagination that I thought would really get me somewhere. I fill my head with all these images and make myself believe that all the right things are going to happen while I'm in all the wrong places and doing all the wrong things. I've talked with a very close mentor of mine and recieved a quote "Act your way into a new way of feeling; not feel your way into a new way of acting" So if I don't feel like doing something I won't do it. I should act the way I should, then I'll start feeling like doing the right things. I definately need help with this because I can't do it on my own. Especially trying to replace the negative things in my life with postitive things, environments and people.