Kristin's Life

2011-03-21T00:12:00.000-05:00

Spring break has gone by way too fast! As I think of upcoming events and assignments my mind starts to go crazy. I had a great time with friends on a short trip to Ruidoso, NM. It was awesome to get away and be a little further away from the reality of Arlington. I was in awe of God's amazing creation being in the mountains, making random hiking trails of our own, and playing in the beautiful White Sands National Park. My friend Kendra and I were taking about how it seems that when we are in beautiful places like that we tend to be able to focus more on praising God. Now that im back home and reality is sinking back in, it's starting to be a struggle again to focus on my creator. As I looked down and see the tattoo on my arm, I'm reminded once again oh the aha moment. How big and gracious God really is! How unfair is it to my gracious and loving God for me not to love him with ALL my heart, ALL my soul, and ALL my strength?! It's unfathomable that God loves me even more than that! He loves me with all his Umph!!! It's been difficult for me the past week to press into Him and make my life mimic that of Christ. Genesis 1:26 says Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness..." I want that!

Date?

2011-03-19T21:00:00.000-05:00

So... I've decided once again to try and blog. Its been quite a while!

As always, I struggle with the boy factor, except for this period in my life its not about always having someone there its mainly that there has been no one for two years! In this long period of time I've learned so much from being a young single girl. I've learned that I don't need anyone but God to fill me. But as time goes on I still feel that there is that one thing missing. I keep asking God when? Where? Who? How about now? In my own effort to try and satifsy myself I curiously joined eHarmony. I've been on a few dates, most that have turned out to be not so good. I find myself coming home after a date thinking "Really?!?, this is so stupid!" I was encouraged by my best friend Stephanie to tell about one date in particular so here goes......

I had been talking with a guy, I'll call him Sam, for a week or so. He finally asked me out on a "date" to "hang out". I let him pick me up at 5:30. 5:30 rolls around and I get a text message. Its Sam: "Hey, I'm out front". Well, I waited several minutes and he never came to the door. So, I walk outside and he is sitting in the car. A real gentleman would have atleast come to the door right! To top that off, he never got out of the car! He leaned over and unlocked the door for me to get in. I was thinking this is so akward! We go to dinner at TGIFridays and the entire time he talks about his high school and people he knows that are still in high school. Then he goes on a tangent about how he isn't in debt and he never went to parties. Ummm... wait a minute...I dont want to talk about financial statuses on the first date. I finally realized why we had come to TGIFriday's. He not only had a coupon but it was on an empty chip bag. I wondered why he brought a chip bag. I thought maybe he wanted to eat chips with his dinner. He tried to give the waiter this chip bag every chance he got. (somewhat embarassing). Oh yes, in the mean time my brother calls and asks who's the guy I'm with. He teases me saying he is on the other side of the restraunt and makes me really nervous and I thought "Oh gosh, he's going to see me with him." We finish dinner, get to go boxes and then head out. We get to the front door of the restraunt and he throws his food up in the air and it goes everywhere! Yet again, another embarassing moment for me, and him I'm sure. We go to a movie and at the end we are walking down the stairs and he tries to hold my arm to help me down the stairs. From the theater out through the mall and all the way to the end of the parking lot he walks with his arm around me. I'm not really feelin' it. He seemed very young and immature so, to say the least, I felt like a pedifile walking around with him. I hope he wasn't really in high school. This date was a no go. Poor guy. Poor me. I feel like dating is ridiculous!~

Grace in the midst...

2010-10-09T23:42:00.001-05:00

Lately I've struggle with wanting to know EXACTLY what God wants me to do. I know He wants me to do this but what if I'm not comfortable? Scared? Intimidated? I avoided prayer for a while because I knew He would tug on that string again. I've finally had to have the confrontation. I'm in a very prime time in my life with my maturity and spiritually. Its time I do something about it.

In the past month or so, in the midst of trying to stay on top of my school stuff, I've been breaking apart the book of Ruth. If you haven't read it, you really should. Its a great book! There are several things that have caught my attention as I take it verse by verse. I know this might sound like I'm writing for a literature class but this is what I've gather so far; God has grace and mercy on us in the midst of our easiest and most difficult situations. Ruth was a Moabite woman who married a man that was orginally from Bethlehem. Most moabite women were pretty much stereotyped as skanks. Ruth traveled to Bethlehem with her mother-in-law, Naomi after her husband and father-in-law had died. This part gets me... Ruth was a foreigner to Bethlehem. It was probably a culture shock to her. After Naomi and Ruth got to Bethlehem, things pretty much fell in place for them. They went without a home and they were genuinely welcomed by the people in Bethlehem. Naomi, especially, was down in the dumps, she had lost two sons and her husband. It was so bad she told the people to call her Mara, which literally means bitter. She told them that God had afflicted her. Can you imagine the emotion she was going through? Even through all of this God had mercy and grace on her and Ruth. I looked up the meaning of grace and was moved by it. Grace: "the freely given, unmerited favor and love of god." Mercy: "compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power; compassion, pity, or benevolence".

At all times, God shows his freely given, unmerited favor and compassionate forebearance towards us even when we have afflicted him. This is mind boggling in itself.

2010-08-31T22:10:00.000-05:00

Alot of times I wonder what other people in the church are going through and what their walk with Christ is like. This past Sunday evening, I had a chance to interact, conversate, discuss and pray with a few of the elders in the church. Its amazing how much we can learn from each other. I truly want to know their hearts desires and struggles. I expressed to them how I need discipling and through that they could learn about me also. I was surpised to hear from them that they want to how "we younger people" work. Its crazy how two generations can be completely different.

On another note, I started school on Monday and I think so far I have done more reading from a text book than I have done in quite a while. I feel like my brain in stuttering a bit. Please be in prayer for me as I literally work though school. I'm taking 12 hours this semester plus 25 hours of work. Pray that I am able to manage my time properly.

I Believe

2010-08-28T22:44:00.000-05:00

As I look back and read my previous blogs (yes, I know its been over a year and a half since I blogged) I can see what a change I have made in my life. I was reading the old posts and praising God for never leaving my side. I have come a long, long, long way from where I was spiritually and emotionally.

In the past year and a half I have overcome enourmous obstacles that I could never have gotten through if it wasn't for my true friends, family and Jesus. I was at the low of lows. Spritually, I had almost denied Jesus and was ashamed of calling myself a christian. I thought I could get through anything on my own because of course I had control of everything. Right?! WRONG!!!! My non spiritual state and bottled up crazy emotions had led me to a life of bitterness, pain, hurt, resentment and hatred. I tried to handle it all on my own which ultimately led me to become and alcoholic at the age of 22 (now almost 24). At the time, I didn't realize what I was doing to myself and my family. I am so incredibly grateful to have a family like I do. Even though I was putting them through my rollercoaster they loved me.

In December of 2009, I had a major meltdown. I was on the way home from a friends wedding, with my amazing sister-in-law, and finally opened up to her about what was going on in my life. If it wasn't for her loving, caring and trustworthy spirit, I would never had been able to ask for help. Asking for help was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was in way to deep to even try pulling myself out. With her and a friends help and resources I was able to recieve remarkable help. At this time, I will have been a recovering alcoholic for 8 months. I struggled for a long time with the shame I brought on myself and the underlying emotional problems I had. I have finally been able to endure through the process of dealing with my emotions and my alcohol problems. I am 8 months sober!

God can and will still use me to do His work in His kingdom! I have committed myself to seeking and serving the Lord with all my heart. I have come so far from where I was and still have further to go in my journey of being recovered and seeking the Lord. I have an amazing family and amazing friends that love and care for me more than I can imagine. When I thought God was going to throw me away he reminded me that he will never leave nor forsake me. He sacrificed His Son on that dreadful cross just so I could screw up time and time again and still have a place at His right hand. I am constantly amazed at the work Christ is doing in my life and in others.

Please do not think I posted this for others to have pity on me and for some to tell me its ok. I don't want your pity. I do want your prayers. I do want to use my life as a testimony for Christ. Please help me fight for Christ.

I will be using my blog as a place for me to put my thoughts as I wrestle through trying to understand what God has for me to learn.

AHHH Update!

2009-01-22T18:28:00.002-06:00

Sorry about the AHHH with no blog to follow. I know its been forever! So I was in Colorado snowboarding and I was trying to update on my phone but it wouldn't let me post anything else and i couldn't take it off. But, I was so incredibly sore that i could barely move!!! I had so much fun though!

Ahhhh!

2009-01-10T09:49:00.000-06:00

Addicted too...

2008-12-07T23:44:00.003-06:00

Taylor got me on this one!

Rules are, you must list 5 addictions and pass it to 5 people!
Addiction -- an abnormally strong craving

1.Joey and Sassie. (i know thats kind of two, but its one in the same). Joey and Sassie are my dogs. I love them as if they were my children. Sometimes I let them stay at Granny's house for a night and I miss them so much that I can't wait to see them.

2.Late night TV. I have to watch Two and a half men, Friends and Sex in the City almost every night. Sometimes I can't even look at the TV that late at night or I'll have to turn in on instead of going to bed.

3. Mom. I'm addicted to my mom. I'm very lucky and greatful to say that I have a mom that is one of my very best friends.

4. Milk. I have to have atleast one glass of milk every morning. I love milk.

5. Cell phone. I feel naked without it.

Ok, sorry mine was pretty boring. but now its your turn..... Andelicia, Jenni, and whoever else wants to particpate, It was kind of fun!

WHOLE Hearted or HeartLESS???

2008-12-02T21:35:00.004-06:00

I was thankfully raised in a wonderful christian home, with great parents to look up to, that loved each other so much, and a brother that fell in love with a wonderful woman, and they love each other whole heartedly. I have such a big heart, it seems like everytime I try to give it, its just thrown back at me all crumbled up. I am struggling so bad with what seems to be an endless game. I don't understand why some people can say they love you and the next day do something so awful and hurt you so badly. Why can't I find that person who wants to give their heart to me whole heartedly just like I do? I don't understand how some people can be so heartLESS. I wish I could move away from my current home. Don't get me wrong, I love my own space but its so hard to live so close to people that have hurt me so badly. I want to start all over somewhere else and have a clean slate. I could move now but I can't afford to break my lease. Its more expensive to leave than it is to stay. I want and need new friends that will love on me and be true friends. I'm not forgetting my current true friends. If it weren't for them, then I don't know how I could still even stand to live here.

I had a really great talk with my dad today. Yes! My Dad! (those of you who know my dad, he is very quite and to himself) I talked to him about this issue I was having and he reminded me of the passage in the Bible when Jesus wept. The Jews hated him, rejected him, did awful things to him, but Jesus still loved and cared about them no matter what. Sometimes I wish I could not care at all and be selfish. But as a christian, I was taught to love no matter what and try to be selfless. Its really hard for me right now to love no matter what. Especially, someone who has somewhat betrayed me. It comforts me to know that Jesus felt hurt to when he was rejected. It gives me hope that someday I'm going to be loved whole heartedly by someone else. I've also come to the realization, Finally, after Taylor has told me this many times, I'm going to have to be in the right place with Christ before I can get what I have longed for such a long time. I don't just want companionship, I want Love, TRUE WHOLE HEARTED LOVE!!!

Why can't I get my messy life cleaned up right?

2008-11-17T22:06:00.003-06:00

Ok....here goes again.... Its feels like its been so long since i updated this thing. So, I still feel like everything in my life is complicated. I got some bad news on wednesday about my school. I guess it was kinda my fault but it was still upsetting. I got a letter and I was denied financial aid for this next semester because evidentally I dropped one class too many last spring. So now I'm stuggling with that fact that I have to pay for classes this coming semester with my parents help. I'm so grateful they are here to help me but at the same time, I wanted to do it all on my own. So, I was really disappointed about that.

On another note, I've been having boy issues again. I finally believe I have convinced my ex to stop trying to talk to me after many attempts. The whole situation was just a bad one but I believed that I could make it work. God definately said NO and so did my brother to begin with but you know "I'm always right" God told me that was a BIG NO!

I also still need some help with just being able to change my life around and live the healthy lifestyle that I know I should be. Its so hard once you've lived the way you wanted to and cared about nothing else. I'm only telling ya'll this because I know you'll help me with it. I kinda feel like I've been in a slight state of depression. I try to hide it from pretty much everyone but my mom. I just feel so lost and lonely. I really need some help with this but I don't know where to start. I admire my sister-in-law for being so positive towards me with everything thats been going on. I just wish I could always think like that and know that there is a perfect plan for me. Alot of the time I don't believe it. How am I supposed to go on with my life and just trust that God is going to put someone in my life that I don't even know. I want to know everything right now!

2008-11-01T15:17:00.002-05:00

Ok, so Taylor got me. I need to update. Its true! So, I guess, here goes.

So, basically my life has been filled with imagination that I thought would really get me somewhere. I fill my head with all these images and make myself believe that all the right things are going to happen while I'm in all the wrong places and doing all the wrong things. I've talked with a very close mentor of mine and recieved a quote "Act your way into a new way of feeling; not feel your way into a new way of acting" So if I don't feel like doing something I won't do it. I should act the way I should, then I'll start feeling like doing the right things. I definately need help with this because I can't do it on my own. Especially trying to replace the negative things in my life with postitive things, environments and people.

2008-10-21T23:33:00.002-05:00

Ok so yesterday I had told you that Joey was getting fixed. Well, I ended up paying 4 times more than I had alotted for so there goes not using my credit card. But, he is worth it. Instead of just neutering him, they also removed a small tumor on his front leg and pulled two teeth. I don't really understand about the teeth because he is still a puppy but I guess its already done. Poor little thing, I felt so bad for him. I thought he was going to be in alot of pain bc he has stiches in his little area and on his leg. And he fooled me on the way home from the vet. He just laid there with his head on my shoulder and wimpered. After we got home.....back to his Joey self. I can't keep him from jumping around, thats just what he does. I don't know what to do.

2008-10-20T22:57:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I'm sitting here in bed writing a blog. I should really being trying to do my "homework." For those of you who know, I am doing a 20's bible study with my sister-in-law and some other friends. I am having such a hard time getting into it. I love being with the girls but I just can't seem to get really into the bible study part. I'm not a great reader anyway but it seems that when I try to concentrate on the independent studies it just doesn't make much sense. I feel like I have to read it like 20 times just to get it.

Anyway, I feel like I had a very productive day today. Of course I have monday's off work so I try to do things. I went to get my hair done, which I love. I went back to the doctor today and I feel very relieved and a little more confident now. He answered alot of my questions and actually gave me the real facts about my situation. I had read alot of things on the internet and of course, I should never believe anything that is on internet. Its alot of scary stuff you read. Some people just say wierd things and don't have any facts to back up any of thier information.

I also got doggie vaccines for my "kids" today. I was very nervous because I bought the vaccines and had to give them myself. I was proud of myself, I was actually able to do it and it saved me so much money. I also had to make an appointment for my youngest, Joey. He's a minature pinscher and its time for the dreaded neutering. I feel so bad because I don't want to seem him hurt. Really, my dogs are like my kids. If I feel this bad about having to neuter him, how am I going to feel when I do have kids and they have to have vaccines or they have to has some kind of procedure?

Well, I guess I should get back to trying to finish my "homework"

That perfect guy......

2008-10-19T19:55:00.002-05:00

Why can't I find that perfect guy??? I guess the entire time I've been looking in all the wrong places. All I want is someone to care about me, love me and just treat me the way I should be treated! Dadgum....I want someone like that so bad. I need help because obviously I'm not doing a very good job!

2008-10-16T22:05:00.002-05:00

I am so glad that tomorrow is FRIDAY!!! I've worked late everyday this week and am ready for some rest! I feel so frustrated that I just want to cry. I have so many things running through my head and some of it I don't even know what it is! I think God made guys just to get on our nerves and to see just how much we can take!! I'm about to go insane!

I am trying to make a "healthy lifestyle change" (my phrase for diet) because I was told I needed to start living healthier. I'm having alot of trouble even though I know the reason I need to do this is very important. Why can't things like this be easy? Why can't I like to eat nasty green veggies and yummy stuff like that? I did figure out one I do like alot. Yellow squash. Of course I like it with butter! that just takes the healthy out of it but atleast its a veggie other than green beans or corn right?

I Can't believe I'm into the Blogging World now?!

2008-10-15T22:04:00.000-05:00

So I never thought I would blog, at all, but I guess I am now! I thought I would use this as a release....not that I don't have several best friends to talk to....but there are some of you who I love dearly but I just don't get to talk to you very often. So, maybe this will break the distance between us.

There has been so many things going on in my life and the Stapleton life lately. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up in a ball and make it all go away. It seems like every week is something new to worry about. Of course right now the latest is about my Granny. She has breast cancer and will be having surgery in about 2 weeks, then its Papa and his crazy problems that he has, and of course I always have my most awesome sister-in-law on my mind, and now I'm having some issues.

I would just like to ask you to pray for my family and I. Lots of things are going on. Right now, I'm really struggling with something that is going on with me. I know alot of it is just the mentality of it all so I have my good days and bad. I'm not ready to tell most of you what it is and I hope your not offended if I just don't. But I'm just going to ask if you would, please keep all of this in your prayers.

Wow! Taylor...you are so right, I can express so much just thru writing. But I probably need to stop before I say to much.